Grief always begins the moment seeing a loved one ceases completely. However, you may not experience that deep sorrow due to someone’s death, but in fact, grief will arouse when there comes to an end of several instances in life – like the end of a relationship or the end of a dream.
After losing my husband four years ago, I was washed with this incredible turmoil of feelings, and while I needed to understand this new path of life, I met people going through grief through different circumstances, like divorce, loss of a career or loss of their physical abilities. What came out from this all was a deep understanding of the various processes of grief that one goes through.
I learned there are different colors of grief or different folds that you go through.
I learned that each of this fold will not be easy.
I also learned that you HAVE to overcome the feeling of being sucked in by any one of those folds.
The colors of grief are like a rainbow or a prism – they change shades and moods gradually, going from bad to good. You begin with shock and denial, or the color violet, where you want to isolate yourself from the sudden change of reality in your universe. You then enter the fold of anger, which is shown by the color red, related to fire. You will feel angry at the person lost, or at the universe. You curse life and hate everything. Slowly, you fall into the pit of depression, a color of blue, and you stay quite long in this fold because you really don’t know how to cope with the loss and new life anymore. You relieve your anger and your depression than by finding God and connecting yourself to Him, in the shade of green, or the color of comfort.
And finally, you begin finding hope and acceptance as you come to terms with the new settings of your surroundings and you see that you can move forward (not move on) while holding onto those sweet memories. This is the color white, a color of new beginnings, and a new chapter.
While passing through each of these folds of your journey of grief, remember that for everyone, the process may vary along with the time duration. But what you should keep in mind is that you WILL come through it all. After the shock, fight the depression and anger by seeing friends, exercising or traveling. Even shopping can prove to be therapeutic. I can’t promise you that you will heal fast, but you WILL heal over time. And though the pain remains even after years pass, it will subside.
There will be times when you fall back into any one of the dark folds of grief, and you may find yourself stuck in any one of the colors of grief again. You may feel alone in the dark. Just remember that something beautiful always evolves after staying in darkness.
Fatima Ali is a 34 year-old widow who began this journey at age 29. Fatima is a writer and teacher from Pakistan.
You can reach Fatima on any of her Social Media handles: fatimaparacha@gmail.com or Instagram: @FatimaAleParacha