When I would receive invites to weddings from the engaged couples, I felt as if I had accomplished something. But did I?
Although I was three years into my journey, I still couldn’t rack up enough guts to attend the wedding.
How would I react in front of the couple that I spent hours counseling? What if they saw me break down? Would they still respect me?
Listen sisters, grief is no respecter of time nor persons and it certainly doesn’t care if you’re at a wedding (or even purchasing those Jimmy Choo shoes in your favorite luxury shoe store). Those triggers will and can flare up at ANY TIME. When it does, let it flow and the get right back to moving those body, mind, and spirit-parts around. You’ll get through it.
I’m glad to relay that I was finally able to attend my first wedding in 2017 - five years AFTER his death! And get this, I was on a date!. How ironic, huh?
So ladies, it’s OK if you can’t attend the wedding right now. Healing takes time. Your fear will soon be replaced with freedom! You will get there eventually and when you do, challenge yourself to these three things:
1) go out of your way to purchase that special gift. Why not get it engraved? Put some love and effort into finding that special piece. Money and gift cards are nice but a special kind of gift is everlasting.
2) if you’re on a date, don‘t be the Debbie Downer. He’s there with you for a reason and that reason is YOU.
3) allow yourself to have fun!
You got this!
-Sabra
A response by Dr. Bob Wright: I had never before considered that a wedding invitation might trigger anxiety surrounding grief memories in the very detailed and heartfelt way you described it. But it makes absolute sense that for some people, this could be the case. Your post resonated with me, because it was "relateable". Thanks for sharing in such a personal way.