Today is International Widows' Day, a United Nations ratified day of action to address the "poverty and injustice faced by millions of widows and their dependents in many countries" and a day that's an opportunity for action towards achieving full rights and recognition for widows. Celebrated on June 23 annually, it's an initiative of the Loomba Foundation, launched at the House of Lords in London on 26 May 2005. Following the launch, the Loomba Foundation led a five-year global campaign for UN recognition, which resulted in a unanimous decision to adopt International Widows Day as an annual global day of action by the UN General Assembly in December 2010.
Did you know...
There are an estimated 258 million widows around the world, and nearly one in ten live in extreme poverty.
In some parts of the eastern Democratic Republic of the Congo, for instance, it is reported that around 50 percent of women are widows.
Widows are coerced into participating in harmful, degrading, and even life-threatening traditional practices as part of burial and mourning rites.
What you should know about widowhood
As widows move through their own experiences of grief, loss, or trauma after the death of a spouse, they may also face economic insecurity, discrimination, stigmatization, and harmful traditional practices on the basis of their marital status.
Source: Loomba Foundation & United Nations
Faith Audu
Today, I would like to introduce you to my friend, Faith Audu, a widow of five years, originally from Delta State (Nigeria), now living in Lagos. She’s an amazing woman living in Lagos with an agenda to make a difference in the lives of widows and widowers as they seek to find meaningful relationships in the world of dating.
What have you been up to since being named BWWE's Black Widow Magic Ambassador in 2019?
First of all, I want to say thank you so very much for creating the BWWE platform". The BWWE Ambassador gave me an edge and recognition in the widowhood tribe/community. It opened up my understanding of widows and the challenges we are facing. It has helped me to speak up and speak out and I'm still speaking out for widows, especially coming from a country where widows aren't allowed to express themselves openly. Once you're widowed, families and friends expect you to hide your status and not talk too much about it. In short, they want you to conceal it, especially if you're still young like me so that prospective men and their relatives won't know you're widowed for them to easily accept you for marriage into their home. Since I've been widowed, I've never kept quiet about my status. I talk about it and also encourage other widows to be bold about their status. Changing the norm from being widowed as a scar but rather (as it ought to be) seen as a "Marital Status" just like other Marital Status (Single, Separated Divorced and Married).
How has your son been coping throughout the years?
With the help of God, my support, other families, and the support of friends, he's been coping pretty well. He was very young when we lost his dad and didn't know much about what losing a father is, but over time I noticed his understanding of the situation changed. When it happened, he really couldn't tell what had happened, he saw the whole thing...while his dad was sick, on admission, and when he died and was buried but it didn't dawn on him what had happened.
On the day of the burial, he was just playing, laughing, and jumping up and down not knowing the effect of what had happened. I told him he can't see his dad again, he said, "okay, but asked if he could call his dad on the phone. I told him no and that we couldn't communicate with him again until we meet again in Heaven. He was fine with that.
To him, he felt his dad was away for work because his dad's job usually takes him away for weeks. But over the years I noticed he has come to realize that his dad was truly gone. Some days he'll come to me and cry and cry that he's missing his dad, and I would just hug and encourage him. He still cries once a while and now tells me to have another daddy. He keeps asking me when I'll have another daddy. Lol! I just keep telling him that he shouldn't worry and that someday I will. I'm more interested in a daddy that would love not just me but would love him and take him as his own.
We both understand each other very well. I tell him a lot of things and he opens up to me too. He's 11 years-old and very smart for his age. He's always looking after me and making sure I'm happy. One Mother's Day, I bought ice cream for him without buying it for myself and he said, "Mummy, today is Mother's Day. Give yourself a treat too. Buy for yourself!" I smiled and eventually bought the ice cream for myself. He also often hugs me more than 20 times a day! At a point I was worried about the close attachment he has with me, and he can't allow me out of his sight for too long. When I'm away for work/business he'll be crying (I didn't want him to be that mummy's boy that won't be able to make decisions and stand on his own), so I had to decide to put him in a boarding facility so that he'll be able to stand up for himself and not be too attached to me. That helped. Now he's not too attached to me like he was before. He's now back at a day school facility and he's doing pretty well. We're best of friends and we tell each other things and have a wonderful discussion and communication. He's doing well academically and all around. I know by God's grace his future is very bright and he'll definitely get there. I look forward to seeing his children, my grandchildren, and great-grandchildren up to the 4th and even 6th generations. AMEN!!!
You now have an amazingly popular online dating group that grew rather quickly. What led you to create it?
Widow and Widowers Dating, often referred to as WiD, was created on the 28th of February 2020. What led me to create the group was to help create dating awareness for the widowed. From my experiences with dating so far after being widowed, I realized that the dating world has changed from what I was used to. I noticed dating has evolved and I need to know what's attainable and achievable in recent times. I noticed I wasn't the only one going through this challenge; most widows and widowers were also in a dilemma about what's happening in the dating world and what's expected of them to do so they don't make mistakes. I felt I was making a lot of mistakes regarding dating.
The world I'm from isn't helping matters either. Some encourage you to remarry while some would tell you to be more concerned about caring for your child/children, especially those widows who are more advanced in age. Most of the widowed groups I was in weren't really talking about dating for widows and widowers. So I felt since I was having challenges with dating and others who are also widowed, I should create a group that would help encourage the widowed to date and find love again even after a loss. In WiD, we help guild one another in dating and we share our dating experiences too. The widowed now have hope and the strength to find love again, which most had lost before. They now look forward to falling in love again. There have been cases of people who are already dating or they met through the group. We're looking forward to celebrating members who'll meet themselves in the group, date, and finally, get married. That would be a great achievement and accomplishment for WiD. It will happen someday!
Does the group solely focus on widows in Nigeria?
No, the group is not only for the widowed in Nigeria alone. WiD members span across all countries (it's actually an international group). We have members from the United States of America, United Kingdom, Britain, Ghana, South Africa, Italy, Malawi, Zimbabwe, Egypt, Philippines, Zambia, Gambia, Kenya to name just a few.
If you could speak with your late husband today, what would you tell him?
I actually have a lot to tell him, he was my gist partner. I'll tell him all that's been happening since he left, how we've all missed him, and all that we've been able to achieve all the while he was away. I'll tell him about my relationships and how dating this time is totally different from the way it used to be back in the days. I will tell him how I'm working towards achieving my career goals. He knows how passionate I am when it comes to a career. Most especially I'll tell him how much I and our son, Seth, misses him. I'll reassure him of my love for him, then, now, and always. Letting him know he has a special place in my heart and in the heart of our son, who is always talking about him and the things they both did together while he was with us.
Is there anything you want to relay to the widow in the states or to those who are not located in Nigeria?
Yes, a lot. I'd like to say, the word WIDOW is a general term that's used for all women who have lost their husbands. But the way we grieve isn't general. Every widow has her unique way of grieving and her own way of processing grief. Grieve the way you need to, take your time, don't rush your grief journey. You don't need to meet people's expectations regarding grief. Do it your way, on your own terms, It's your journey! Take every day one step at a time. Just try not to get stuck in grief and don't give up on your grief journey.
Also, the ways in which widows are being treated are totally different. The treatment isn't general. Every nation and tribe has its own way of treatment and behavior towards widows. Some countries and families are much better and have a quiet understanding towards widows while some aren't. Some countries have laws that favour widows, while some don't. I come from a part of the world where widows are treated badly. I've received my share of the treatment and it's still ongoing. I'm looking forward to the day when my country's government will enact laws that will favour the widowed.
I'll just advise that, wherever you find yourself as a widow, make sure no one damages your self-esteem and worth. Don't allow the fact that you're a widow to stop you from becoming who you've always dreamed of becoming.
The theme for this year's International Widows' Day is Invisible Women, Invisible Problems. Others may see you as invisible but you aren't. Your problems may be invisible to others but aren't invisible to you. Lead and take charge in the place you find yourself. Don't allow yourself to be limited by any limitations whatsoever. Go ahead and achieve what you want to achieve. Dare to be a leader where you are.
Thank you for your time, Faith! Oh, one last question. How did your name come about?
How the name Faith came about... Well, my mum told me that when she had my pregnancy she was really looking up to God for a healthy and fit child. She decided not to take medications but was rather eating well. Rather than going to the hospital, she was attending a church program called "Faith Clinic" in the church they were attending at that time. They were taught a lot of things about pregnancy and childbirth and what they need to do both spiritually and physically to have a healthy baby.
When it was time for her to give birth to me, she didn't go to any clinic or hospital. Rather, she called a midwife to come and help her with the delivery at home and she gave birth to me in the house, right in her bedroom without any hospital gadgets. There was no other name they would have named me, but FAITH.
Thanks so very much for this wonderful opportunity. I feel so honored. God Bless you big sis, Sabra.
You're welcome, little sis!
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