I Was Told to Be Safe Going Home...Then I Was Inches From Being Struck By A Van. What If?

"You live once so think twice" - Unknown

Today was just an ordinary day. I woke up, got dressed, drove to the Park 'N Ride parking lot and rushed onto the bus with only three minutes to spare. If I’m lucky and I have time, I’ll stop at the local Starbucks, chat with the barista, order a tall, regular coffee with hazelnut syrup (no cream) and quickly empty four packets of Splenda sweetener into the already sweetened mix. This...is my daily weekday routine. Just so you know, I had no intention of writing today. My blogs are normally planned, because, well …. I’m a planner. But today was a different day. Today, God had my back, my front, my bottom, and my top! At the end of a normal workday, it’s the same course of action: I shut down the laptop, place it in my bag, send a few text messages and clean my desk. But there was one text message that I took for granted from a good friend… “… get home safe.” I’m sure we all receive these kinds of texts, those with happy emoji gestures, quirky quotes or encouraging clichés. I didn’t think anything about receiving this type of text until what I experienced next. It was time to walk the usual four blocks to my bus stop to catch the Express bus. The weather was brisk, a portion of the sun was peeking through the white cottony clouds and my wool coat was snug. I was looking forward to getting home and eating the barbecue baked chicken legs, mac-n-cheese and Red Lobster biscuits I had made the night before. My mind was at peace. The crosswalk signal prompted me that it was OK to cross. I checked both ways, allowed one car to pass, noticed a van in the distance and began to walk toward the other side. I was in the middle of the road when the van in the distance was suddenly inches away. I looked up at the frightened man in the driver’s seat as he motioned his hands and mouth in shock. All I could do was mutter a few choice words to myself upon eye contact. The incident happened in a matter of seconds. There was no loud clamor of brakes, there was no one to ask me if I was OK and there were no noticeable onlookers, except maybe the onlookers inside the stopped cars at the stoplight. It seemed like another ordinary afternoon. If I could describe the scene I would say that it was a beautifully drawn canvas of a perfect afternoon showcasing the hustle and bustle of workers briskly walking to get to their safe destinations. I was one of them. To be honest, that incident didn’t scare me. In that moment, it was as if I took my life for granted for that one second…until moments later. When I landed on the other side of the block, I walked about 100 feet and stopped. Then it hit me. What if I was hit?! What if I had been killed?! I immediately texted my friend who initially sent me the ‘get home safe’ text. I had to tell somebody what I had just experienced: 4:07 PM

Get.Home.Safe. /git/ /hom/ /sayf/ 1. An expression that is often relayed when one is exiting an area on the way to another destination. No, this is not the dictionary’s definition; it’s mine. When the bus arrived, I sat down in my normal spot and settled my things. The bus pulled off and I kept thinking to myself, what if? What if I didn’t get to see that stranger walking her dog? What if I didn’t get to see the stranger with coffee trying to cross the street? What if I didn’t get to see the passenger run for the bus? What if I didn’t get to see the green plastic tent in the woods under the bypass with clothes hanging on a string to dry? What if I didn’t get to see the cemetery I noticed for the first time on my ride? What if I didn’t get to see the deformed clouds in the sky with no certain shape? What if I didn’t get to see the adult navy blue jacket abandoned on the pole at the bus stop? And what if I didn’t get a chance to tell the bus driver to have a good evening? As I was trying so desperately to connect the dots, I started to hyperventilate. Thank God my car was just across the street. I sat in the car and waited for my heavy breathing to subside. It had happened again. It often happens unexpectedly but had recently noticed that my breath literally gets taken away during incredibly sad moments or incredibly happy moments. After I was talked out of my fears, I drove home. When I got home, I hugged my daughter, told her I loved her and waited for her reaction. “What’s wrong, ma?” “Nothing” “What’s wrong, ma?” She wouldn’t let up. I told her the story. She understood my emotions and was waiting for me to cry. “I’m not going to cry,” I told her. “Oh, ok,” she said. “Just checking.” And she went upstairs. “I love you!” I yelled upstairs. “I love you, too!” she yelled back. “I love you!” I repeated. “I love you!” she yelled once again. “I love youuuu!” I yelled again. “I love you too, ma,” she said quietly. She knew where my emotions were going at this point but I didn’t let loose. I didn’t cry. She knew that I was thankful that I was not hit because she may or may not have had a parent to see her off to her junior prom, high school graduation or even college. She knew that I was thinking of how my husband is no longer here to talk to.

She knew that I was thankful that I was not hit because she and her siblings would have completed their remaining lives without both parents, instead of just one. And I’m sure she will now realize that when I say, “I love you and be safe” in the mornings before school, that she knows that I truly mean it. I can now recall that I did not pray a hedge of protection for me personally this morning but God saw to it that someone did. Don’t take this expression of protection for granted when told. Just say, thank you, mean it and allow God to direct your steps. It could simply be another way of God protecting you before the storm - through someone else. Be safe my friends. Remember, there are no do-overs.

Sabra xoxo

#whatif #grief